its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
