really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
