you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
