Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you inspire me to be a worse person
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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