It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize