I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
