I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
