So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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