My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
