and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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