What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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