My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
