EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
