Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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