ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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