I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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