Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
