There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
