Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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