Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
