just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
