fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
