I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
