so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
