the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
