I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
