Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
