My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
