I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
