Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
