Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
