11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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