Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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