If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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