You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
