she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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