MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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