It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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