oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
