The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
