Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
