ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
