Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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