man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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