I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
