i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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