I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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