bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
