I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
