WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
